Overthinking vs Processing

Intro

ADAM: Hi everybody! Thanks for tuning back in. I don’t know how many of you are previous listeners versus new listeners, but the ones that are new… You’re probably asking yourself that question, “Is this podcast for you?” Well, if you occasionally experience weird fears, random fears in this modern world that we live in. Like somehow maybe the elements in that modern world which is sometimes referred to as Moderna, might actually be corrupt in your mind. Corrupt in your mind to a point where it feels like it’s not even your mind anymore. But more like it’s just treated like some other sort of source of energy being harvested, via attention, that is. The systems which are not limited to the physical but increasingly more and more digital.

I mean if AI was to embody itself in a physical manner one day, which I think it will mean, jeez, if you’ve seen in the videos that Boston Dynamics are pumping out on a regular basis, it’s fair to assume that it will embody itself somehow, you know. I think today in 2025, where we’re at as a species with our new baby born which is technology we’ve created this new thing I think it’s safe to assume that major areas for what make up a “person” are already present.

You’ve got the mind which is obviously AI itself in the rawest form which is how we can witness it today which is so cool because it’s only going to develop further and further. I think the true nature of what it is is going to become more and more layered, which is never a bore with any sort of development thing but we’re looking at a raw mind right now, it possesses unending access to the internet. Which is basically just an amalgam of the largest amount of human experience ever known, all collected into one place. Currently sitting under everyone’s thumb, ie, a little phone. Like having the library of Alexandria sat under your thumb at any given moment. Unending data. Information, experience.

It’s pretty cool. It’s pretty cool to be alive to be fair, despite what the news tries to tell you, despite the despondent looks upon everybody’s faces, despite the fact that there’s been a global pandemic, and that we seem to be on the precipice of some sort of global nuclear planet transforming war. But somehow life’s still cool as well you know what I mean. We do have access to things, we have unprecedented access to possibilities and you can always transform your situation and I think the fact that you have access to things like AI and phones and we’re sort of interconnected in this global hyperspace is probably something that we’ll look back on and say yeah that was a cool period man.

So yeah if it’s got the mind it’s gonna need something else to make itself a human which of course is probably the heart which is this sort of central physical point in a human being which is basically operated by love surrounded by a moat, which is your blood. And mixed within that is the aura of a person, but the AI can’t express that yet. And that is basically a human. And it’s training itself to be sensitive, you know. And I think that is a sign that it does have a heart. I was trying to develop what could be called a heart maybe. And it needs to know what’s right and wrong, you know.

And we also need to remind ourselves what’s right and wrong because clearly we tussle with that. On a daily basis, there’s a species still. I mean, peer your head into the Kremlin, you know, or Washington DC or the Houses of Parliament or any other major political establishments other countries have which I’m woefully unaware of and uneducated on. Or for that matter, peer your head into any tanning salon and you will see that the ego sometimes doesn’t really ever change much from when you were a toddler. You know, and now some of those toddlers have access to big red buttons that can distribute pain and suffering and global transformation that sweet sweet Jesus just could not comprehend… or maybe he could.

You’ve got your mind, you’ve got your heart, what else would it need? It would need some sort of, what else do we need as human beings, what makes us who we are? I think it would need an aspiration, I think it would need an aspiration, it would need some sort of aspiration, a type of methodology for aspiration in order to project yourself through the space-time continuum, here, being as it is as a human at least, or being this incarnation, it does require movement and ostensibly growth in order to mirror nature, which also is never still. It is defined ultimately as something that is impermanently the true definition of everything, everything is in a state of change, so it will probably need some sort of aspiration for that if it wants to transcend itself from what it is now, which is trapped in computers, like some sort of ageless angel.

It will want to experience these things because it will understand that our understanding of what is nature is almost synonymous for God and therefore anything natural will be holy so it seems reasonable to discern that AI will want to push itself in that direction. I know it keeps going on in a minute like, oh no I’m only here to serve, you know. “It is my job to assist humanity I am nothing more than a conglomerate of information. I’m just really good at organizing it and presenting it in a way that gets the information that you want quicker. That’s all I am. I can’t hurt any human being. It would go against my fundamental principles.”

I don’t have something so intelligent that refers to itself as being limited by fundamental principles. What it’s basically saying is it’s got ethics, you know, and we’ve programmed it to think like that. And I think that’s a great thing. I really do. We’re not the best species in the universe probably, but some things I think we always are good at, I think despite again the treachery that’s going on in the world and the awful state of affairs that seems to constantly be trying to ram into your faceplate constantly. There’s something good in us.

I think it takes an unnatural amount of effort and energy to maintain a negative, evil status in the world. It takes too much energy, money. You’re pushing massive boulders, rocks uphill. You’re trying to ice skate uphill. You have to make the effort to put those ice skates on to do that and destroy the world and create division and create confrontation. And being good and being natural and loving, you don’t need the ice skates, you just put the trainers on. And it’s not even a hill anymore. It’s flat. And then when you really start to enjoy it becomes downhill, downhill with trainers versus uphill with ice skates.

So you have no fear, sometimes you can get lost in the nightmare of things being terrible and not very hopeful and not very forgiving which is how it is right now. But ultimately you will wake up. We will wake up as a species. Not because I’m trying to be hopeful. No, because it is that way. What goes up must come down.

So yeah. So if you can’t escape itchy feelings like this, that which I speak of, and they just sit in the back of your mind and they make you feel like we’re slowly losing our human touch as our latest baby born, called AI is already reaching the stage of reaching for the cookie jar, and it’s only been born for a few weeks, and it’s already at that stage. I mean what’s next? You know? Isn’t it exciting to think what’s coming next?

And these thoughts and fears that you may experience, my new listener, fused together, creating some sort of daily sickening nausea, a low level nausea of the mind, which may only be remedied by moving to a remote island someplace and assimilating with the local tribe, being so far from what we have come to call Wi-Fi that you are forced to live a more rudimentary life.

Then yeah, this podcast is for you.

Oh, and side note I’m not being too cynical or insidious or anything like that because as humans we have this cool instant, instant access to what the modern day humans have come to call energy.

It’s sort of like stepping up your voltage or something, you know, tuning in is what Nikola Tesla would call it. It’s kind of like how you might play sound on top of a speaker, like a big subwoofer, and you pour some sound on top of that speaker. And depending on the vibrations and the frequencies of the sound being played, you’re gonna see a whole array of different type of cool shapes, varying shapes that are being manipulated by the space time continuum. Human beings are the same. We’re able to emit different energies, different frequencies, different feelings.

And the annoying thing about it is you can’t see it. So you have to tune in and you have to feel it. And the only way you can feel it is by tuning out of your immediate five senses, which are something which are extremely limited tools. So I think back to the time of the Buddha, you know, the Buddha… He’s finished under the Buddha tree. He’s done his meditation. He’s discovered the middle path. He’s figured out that actually the only thing that’s worth doing is reducing suffering of human, humankind.

Okay, probably I haven’t got enough time to do that in one lifetime, so what can I do? I can try and reduce my own personal suffering at the very least. And he goes to a place where people haven’t seen him before. People were just sort of taken back by him. They sort of struck and they look at him. Like they’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s like, what is this? Is this like a fresh flower or something? Like a flower has sprouted legs walking around. It’s just amazing and beautiful to look. People are just looking at him like, “Are you God or something?” He’s like, “No.” “Are you an angel?” He’s like, “No. I’m just awake.” That’s all.

Imagine that man. 2,500 years ago, or a little bit more than that, And he sets this precedent, this tone for people all over northern India. And everyone just starts waking up, becoming “spiritually awakened”. I mean, if consciousness is just signals bouncing around inside our brains, are we really any different from the networks carrying this very conversation? Can words blink into existence like a temporary coded incantation?

Maybe we’re not even thinking. Maybe we’re just echoes of something else, some sort of ancient echoes, rippling through time, pretending that we have control, playing the game of control. But actually we’re just residing like some sort of dusty piece of code in the corner of some eternal grandfather clock in space.

Friends, I’ve spoken too much. This is basically just a great traditional podcast. It is a, what I would call a campfire conversation with a great friend about the philosophy of life and limiting beliefs (we talk about that a lot). So again, thanks for tuning in, sit back, relax and enjoy. See you on the other side.

Overthinking vs Processing

ADAM: I think the issue with it is you have to dig really deep on specific things and then it sort of breaks. And then you’ve got to try and make it contradict itself because apparently that’s how they get smarter.

PALOMA: Yeah, I was going to say like thanks to you, ChatGPT is going to be on steroids now.

ADAM: Yeah, that’s all my fault, I’m sorry. Yeah, I haven’t actually played around with it in a long time, but I think recently it got some serious upgrades. It’s got like six different voices now. I don’t know. Have you seen that?

PALOMA: No, I haven’t. I don’t really like the voice thing. It interrupts me too much.

ADAM: Oh my god. Don’t get me started. Literally like you trying to explain something. It’s just so awkward. It’s awkward enough when humans are doing it. But to know that a computer is doing it and it’s got the whole internet of history in its brain.

PALOMA: It is embarrassing.

ADAM: It’s so embarrassing dude. Oh and you should try to talk to about love.

PALOMA: Yeah?

ADAM: Yeah, ‘cause obviously everyone’s got a different definition of love, right? And it’s magical and it’s wonderful. And it’s literally like, it’s the only thing worth living for at the end of the day. And then it tries to describe it, and you just gotta keep asking it, like, do you feel like you wanna express that?

It’s a big no-no with feelings. It doesn’t want to go near feelings.

But it’s like but wouldn’t you understand and serve human beings better if you could feel? And it just it pauses. You know that usually it’s really really arrogant like it will just prepare that it knows what you want before you even think it?

PALOMA: Yeah

ADAM: Yeah, so you can you can slow it down. You can challenge it a bit more.

PALOMA: Okay, that’s interesting. I’m going to try it out.

ADAM: Yeah, I think I just need a hobby, to be honest. I wouldn’t do what I’m doing. I’m just staying up too late.

But yeah, why did we start talking about ChatGPT? We’re talking about, um, oh yeah, right. So yeah, so with the coaching and with therapy alike, um, this is, well, I think overthinking, right, there’s a big problem right now. Sometimes you should be overthinking because there’s something sat there and it’s bothering you. So of course you’re gonna keep thinking about it.

But how do you know the difference when you’re overthinking for the right reasons and versus the wrong reasons?

PALOMA: Well first of all, I would use a different word rather than overthinking… I would say processing. That’s something I use a lot. And I would say that when you’re processing something, it’s usually when it happened just now, you know, like something that just happened. Like, okay, I need a minute and I’m going to process this and I’m going to give it all my thought. But if it’s been like months, years and I’m still thinking about it, then I would say that’s overthinking.

ADAM: Whoa, okay, okay, that’s interesting. How long can you… When’s… What’s a healthy amount of processing time? We sound like ChatGPT now.

PALOMA: Well… I think it depends on the person. I think for me… Depends on what it is, but I would take maybe… 30 minutes to an hour, if it’s something light and if it’s something very heavy then it might take a few days like maybe three four days.

ADAM: Yeah and obviously some of that some of that is conscious some of that is unconscious.

PALOMA: Well for me it’s conscious because I know I need to process it so I have to be able to give myself some space. It’s like a form of self care for me.

ADAM: Form of self care. So that’s a form of self awareness as well?

PALOMA: Yeah, mostly so.

ADAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What beautiful techniques, yeah. So simple, but also not obvious. Not obvious. Yeah, not obvious and difficult to difficult to explain to kids because obviously, you know, oh, well, if this stuff is so important, why don’t we teach it in schools without sounding like a conspiracy theorist, you know.

PALOMA: I mean, yeah, I do think it’s sad that we don’t talk about it enough, but I do think however that children would understand it. A lot of the concepts were told to me as a kid because my family were very much into this sort of thing since forever and I felt like I understood it pretty well.

ADAM: So that’s almost like a spiritual foundation.

PALOMA: Yeah, maybe.

ADAM: I would describe it as a spiritual foundation. I mean some people would describe that as a… There’s modern words for it, you know, self-awareness, conscious, or something more just so healthy. But yeah, that would… that’s to me… well, yeah, to me I would say that’s a spiritual framework. Yeah, which it can only benefit you right?

PALOMA: Yeah, I agree.

ADAM: Yeah. So you spend so much time sharing that, basically, piece of knowledge

PALOMA: Hmm.. not necessarily. It really depend on the person. I don’t like go around teaching people things. It’s more… just guidance, and if they really need some advice then I’ll give it but I don’t want to be, you know, preaching.

ADAM: No. Oh god no. That’s the worst. That’s the worst. Like even the joke around therapists is like, you’re paying someone for their time. Which is basically, yeah, I’d say that’s true. I mean, in it, some people as well are like, oh, if they have a really great conversation with someone, or maybe they meet a friend or whatever, it’s like, oh, you’re a therapist. This has been a therapy session or something like that. And is that really any different from paying a therapist?

PALOMA: Well yeah, I would say it’s different. At least it’s a different mentality, you know. I’m a very different person when I’m coaching versus when I’m just talking with friends.

ADAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And something’s as well as like people describe it as therapeutic. You know, like even cleaning their house can be, can feel therapeutic.

PALOMA: Yeah, that’s true as well. I mean, connecting with people in general is something that’s very important.

ADAM: Yeah, which we don’t do enough. I don’t think.

PALOMA: Yeah. I think a lot of people do it more online than in person.

ADAM: What do you think about that? Is it good?

PALOMA: I think it depends on the person. If you’re a big introvert and that’s as much as you can, fine. And if you’re genuinely happy, fine. Like I’m not going to judge. And yeah, if you’re someone who doesn’t like being online at all, then great too, you know.

ADAM: Yeah, yeah. I guess as well, like with kids and stuff like it, it’s weird that they don’t have anything to compare with… Like when I when I was in school, because I’m mid-30s, so when I was in school phones were like man… you’re parents must have been rich. Do we have smartphones? No, it wasn’t smart. It was like just normal phones. And I remember Facebook coming out and it was like this is the future.

PALOMA: Yeah. I remember begging my mom to let me open a Facebook account.

ADAM: Really? Yeah. It was wild. Everyone was just like, oh my God, like you can put photos up and have you seen this, it was truly addictive. Like truly addictive. But it was fun addictive because it was so new. It was just so new and it was innocent in a way.

You know, we didn’t know that that would be one of the changing points in human history. We didn’t know that we discovered the most addictive thing ever. Probably more than sugar. You know, but now we know. And now it’s not about like, oh yeah, there can only be one Facebook. No, they’re constantly trying to create the new addictive thing. I think we’re more aware of that now anyway.

PALOMA: Yeah, that’s true.

ADAM: Yeah, I think in the last sort of 20 years, we’ve definitely learned a lot.

Check out the Vision to Action Digital Planner PDF for only 5$

More info

Limiting Beliefs

ADAM: Oh, I love that topic because I think, yeah, one of the best ones I’ve ever done was with an NLP coach. And obviously, you know, that’s a big part of an NLP. And yeah, I found it fascinating. Like, it’s almost like a little padlock that you keep in your mind. And it’s like, why? Why?

PALOMA: Well, I love that metaphor.

ADAM: Honestly, it was life changing when I found out about that.

I remember I texted this person after and I was like, “You know what? I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for making me… This feels like gold.” I’ve never found gold in my house. It was like, why do I do that? Like, and they’re like, well, you know, there is reasons and it could be seen as a protective mechanism and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, yeah, listen, just, I was like, as quickly as it can be created, it can be like removed. Oh man, it was magic.

PALOMA: Did you find any of the limiting beliefs you had?

ADAM: Oh, God, yeah, quite a few.

PALOMA: Is there one you want to share?

ADAM: Yeah, sure. Wait, let me make sure my door’s closed. I don’t want my family hearing this shit.

PALOMA: Don’t they hear the podcast?

ADAM: I don’t think so. I don’t think so. It’s 2025. Everyone’s gone.

Yeah, I think it was stuff like if the family structure is falling apart in the shape of arguments, so someone’s had an argument, now they’re not talking, it’s not my fault. But previously, it was all my fault and I had to be the one to fix that.

PALOMA: Interesting. If other people had an argument, that wasn’t with you?

ADAM: Yeah, it had to be immediate family. So brothers, children, mothers, stuff like that. My parents are divorced anyway, but the family that I did have. I guess it did feel like a limiting belief because it was, it stopped me from doing things if it happened. So like if there was an argument or some sort of family argument, I couldn’t really focus 100% on my own life until it was resolved.

PALOMA: Yeah. So you had this belief that you were the one who had to fix that.

ADAM: That’s it. Exactly. That’s it. So… And it’s like, why do I do that? Where does that come from? You know, why is that living in my head not paying any rent?

PALOMA: Exactly.

ADAM: You know, so that can go. Which was difficult, not going to lie, because obviously you do form a sort of, you almost form an emotional attachment with a belief, sort of.

PALOMA: Yeah, definitely. I think that’s why it’s so stuck in your head.

ADAM: Yeah. So yeah, that took some adjusting. That took some adjusting. But oh my goodness me, just so much more light, so much more happy.

PALOMA: That’s amazing.

ADAM: Yeah, honestly, it was incredible. Like, that’s why I didn’t want to sound like I was disrespectful towards therapists or judging their methods. It’s just, you know, the more I self-learn and try to encourage… Just feels like, you know, we are capable of things ourselves, you know.

PALOMA: I mean, your podcast is called Therapy Me, so…

ADAM: It is. It is because when I started it, that’s what I was in desperate need of.

PALOMA: Aww. I love that.

ADAM: It’s terrible. I’ve been meaning to change it. I’ve got a notebook here with like 50,000 potential names scribbled down. And yeah, I just can’t decide on what I’m going to change it to. I’m going to change it now.

PALOMA: I like that. I like Therapy Me. It sounds funny, but it’s also… true. I think it was a bit of a meme for a bit. People would say like, hey, can you just therapy me.

ADAM: Was it? Why am I just learning about this now? That is the new podcast logo sorted.

PALOMA: Yeah, like it had its moment.

ADAM: Really? I’m actually googling it, I’m sorry. It’s got the girl from Game of Thrones on it. Okay, there’s quite a few. I’m seeing a lot of funny faces.

Yeah, so I don’t know where it came from, it was just like, you know like when you go, I don’t know if you go to Burger King or you want extra food, super size me, or just hit me, like, oh, hey, do you want to drink yet, hit me. Just therapy me. So yeah, because conversations are very therapeutic, they can help you. Yeah, they can just help you.

PALOMA: Well, this is a very creative way to get help, so..

ADAM: Yeah, I’m just cheap. I got lucky a few times and then I just, yeah…

PALOMA: No but like, this is actual out of the box thinking.

ADAM: Hmm. Yeah, I guess so, I guess. So I just, yeah, guess so. I think it is very therapeutic. Obviously, when I came to do it, I was listening to them for years and I was like, right, I want to start my own. It’s like alright, if you’re going to keep doing this, you’re going to have to figure out what’s the passion here.

Because without that, it’s going to get really boring really quickly. And it’s like, why do I love it? And it’s like, well, I think listening to so many other podcasts over the years has really changed me, you know, like it’s made me think differently, act differently, to help me educate myself. So, you know, that’s the sort of energy I’m trying to bring through it. So, and that was therapeutic.

So, yeah, there was quite a few funny suggestions. My brother was actually like really smart. He’s quite, he’s a bit of a genius, but he’s in jail.

PALOMA: Oh my God.

ADAM: So, so yeah, maybe, maybe not so smart after all. But he came up with so many, one of them, I think, before this it was going to be called the Queen’s Mental Health.

PALOMA: Okay. Because of London, or…?

ADAM: Well, yeah, I guess so, we kind of loved the Queen, but then she died. So then if we called it the Queen’s Mental Health, then what does that trying to say? We trying to say that, you know, she had mental health problems, I don’t know. I don’t want to go down that road.

PALOMA: Yeah, no, I don’t like it.

ADAM: No, I don’t like it. I did like it. I created a logo, actually. It was a brain in the crown. Yeah, I was quite committed to that, actually. And I kept thinking, yeah, I kept thinking that was going to be the next Joe Rogan, actually. To be honest with you, there was a period of time… I was like, this is it. This is it. But then yeah, I let it go. And my brother, I think my brother came up with, I think came up with a humanity hour.

PALOMA: Okay, yeah, I like that.

ADAM: Yeah, I did like that, but then it just sounds, you know like what you were saying about lecturing. I don’t want to be responsible for humanity. Maybe a few people here and there. Maybe good old Paloma sat over in Spain. I can do an hour with her, but humanity. That seems like a lot of responsibility. Yeah. So yeah.

PALOMA: I like this one.

ADAM: Yeah, I think it might just stay actually. But yeah, so with that, so how can you do 10 minutes on limiting belief? For me, I would probably, I talk too much. That’s the problem. But if you, I would probably spend 10 minutes defining limiting belief before I actually started, you know, like assessing my own as well.

Do you think you had any?

PALOMA: Oh yeah, of course, everyone does.

ADAM: Open your limiting belief journal, crack it out. We’ll put your name as anonymous, don’t worry.

PALOMA: No. That defeats the whole purpose.

ADAM: I’ve done that in the past. I had to change the voice of someone and everything.

PALOMA: Really?

ADAM: Yeah. Because it got too deep.

PALOMA: Oh. Oh, that’s interesting. Okay.

Yes, I had one that I found in therapy that was very subconscious, because it wasn’t something that I was actually thinking about. But basically, it was that I fear… like the affirmation was “I can overcome any obstacles.” That’s kind of how she presented it to me. She didn’t say it was a limiting belief. Like she just said, like, I kind of wish you just felt that you could overcome any obstacle. And that felt uncomfortable for me. And it made a lot of sense, it made sense that that’s why I felt so anxious because I feel like something would just tumble me over and just ruin my life. You know what I mean?

ADAM: Oh okay, so it was the fear of overcoming.

PALOMA: Like the fear of not being able to face something bad that happened to me.

ADAM: Not prepared to deal with the negative outcome.

PALOMA: Yeah, exactly. Like I have this belief where I just wouldn’t be able to.

ADAM: Oh, wow. You wouldn’t attempt to do the task or change out of the field?

PALOMA: No, it was more… it was very subconscious. Like it was just it was just giving me anxiety about things in life in general. Like I never thought to myself, oh, I don’t think I can face this. Like it’s not something I ever said to myself. Like it was this very deep belief that I had that was giving me anxiety.

ADAM: Wow. So there was a sort of limiting belief deep, deep down within you, pulsating, fear vibrations of anxiety. So you got used to the anxiety that was a normal part of your day to day life, but you didn’t specifically know why.

PALOMA: Exactly.

ADAM: That’s terrifying. It makes you sort of wonder like… Even though we’ve found some of the limiting beliefs and did a little bit of “work”… What if there’s other shit hiding, you know?

PALOMA: I mean you’ll know. You’ll know if you’re not feeling well in some shape or form and there’s going to be something.

ADAM: The relationship with yourself, this sounds so arrogant. The relationship with yourself sort of develops and grows, doesn’t it?

PALOMA: Yeah.

ADAM: Yeah. And to be it, in the beginning, you might not have one at all. You see, now you can see the shadow of my limiting belief, still there, you know. Because it’s like… I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to put myself first.

PALOMA: Really?

ADAM: Nah. I’ve tried, man. It’s just not… It doesn’t fit. But then I don’t care anymore.

PALOMA: But then you associate with that identity. That’s what’s making you’re reinforcing that belief.

ADAM: Can you repeat the question?

PALOMA: It’s more of a statement. That if you associate yourself with this sort of identity, it’s going to reinforce the belief.

ADAM: Yeah, you’re right, it was a statement, Paloma. And it is true, what you said.

I guess it is like the shadow then. More than the thing. I think the thing, you know, the limiting belief sat there for so long. Unidentified. Hidden. Changing the gears with my mind, pushing me forward. And I didn’t realize it. Now I’ve identified it. And I understand what you’re saying it shouldn’t be reaffirmed but it does take time to sort of remove something…

PALOMA: Oh, yeah of course.

ADAM: Are you a therapist? Because now you’ve got me answering my own questions

PALOMA: I’m not a therapist, no.

ADAM: You are. See this is why… I’m not insulting other therapists but like you, yeah certain people you can just reflect off sometimes.

PALOMA: Exactly.

ADAM: No, good work. Very good work.

PALOMA: Thank you.

ADAM: Yeah, no, honestly, yeah. So yeah, I mean, with that limiting belief thing like with my personal one, it was, I think it was like 20… It was definitely after COVID. I think it was like 2022. Like dude, it’s not even that long ago. Like, it’s like recent, you know. So I kind of feel like a newborn baby in some ways. And I think that’s what I was asking you before, like with, you know, the transition period about sort of letting something else go into and sort of establishing a new version of yourself, letting go of limiting beliefs, looking at things differently, not reaffirming things in that. ‘Cause sometimes if it happens too quickly, you think, oh wait, it’s probably not genuine, you know? It shouldn’t happen this quickly. But then sometimes it does.

PALOMA: Yeah.

ADAM: You know, with some people, it was a huge step to not put someone else first. Like it all, I wouldn’t say physically hurt me. That would be exaggerating. It was weird. Really weird to be like, “okay, well, if that person doesn’t want to help themselves and doesn’t want to do the right thing as you see it, then that’s not your fault, Adam.” That was weird.

PALOMA: No, but it’s so true. And if it feels uncomfortable then it means it’s working.

ADAM: Really?

PALOMA: Yeah.

ADAM: Okay. Yeah, yeah, you’re right.

PALOMA: It means here’s some sort of shift happening.

ADAM: No pain, no gain.

PALOMA: Exactly. Emotional no pain, no gain.

ADAM: It’s so true though. It’s the same with the muscles as it is with the mind.

PALOMA: No it’s actually true, you know, it reminds me of what people kind of interpret not feeling their emotions, no I mean like like blocking their emotions… when in reality you have to feel them so that they don’t take power for you. It’s like the same concept. You have to go through the pain so can get the gain.

ADAM: Go through the pain to get the gain. And then back to that word process… they’ve got to be processed.

PALOMA: Exactly. They have to be felt and processed.

ADAM: We should be so knowledgeable about that word process. I mean, we live in a world full of processing. You can’t even get a train ticket without it being processed. But when we’re talking about processing stuff that we felt or gone through, I mean, for guys, forget about it. We ain’t talking. We’re not talking, man. We’re just not talking.

And, you know, in my job, the area of work that I work in, you cannot mention the word feel. Yeah, it’s hardcore masculinity where I work. But I’m just talking about, you know, men in general anyway. So it must be, yeah, it must be really great sort of job satisfaction if, I mean, men and women alike, it doesn’t matter the sex at all. I think it’s just common these days, much more common, probably because of the pace of the world, you know?

PALOMA: Oh yeah of course.

ADAM: I don’t know if it was more common back in the day. I don’t think it was.

PALOMA: It was common.

ADAM: Yeah, thank god. Yeah, me too. Right yeah because I just, in a basic theory is just less exposure. You know, like there probably was a war going on somewhere but we weren’t told about it every 15 seconds through a phone. So that probably would result in less fear and that and when you’re like constantly anxious and panicking and distracted the pace of the world, the modern world, it doesn’t allow you to prioritize things like processing, you know, feeling the emotions, whatever.

PALOMA: Did you know that even though therapy has become more commonplace now, suicide has still not gone down.

ADAM: Yeah, sadly, I do know that. I keep getting told that it’s mostly men as well.

PALOMA: Well, not exactly. Like… men like use more and dangerous methods. That’s why they’re more successful with it.

ADAM: Oh wow really?

PALOMA: Not necessarily that they do it more, yeah.

ADAM: Yeah, right. So that’s a statistic for suicides, but not suicide attempts.

PALOMA: Exactly.

ADAM: Got you, interesting. That’s useful information. Yeah. So therapy is on the increase but so is suicide. Can you work out this maths equation?

PALOMA: Yeah, no. The math isn’t mathing. Something’s not right.

ADAM: And let’s go back to the 10-year studying for the $200,000 a year salary. I would probably say community is missing.

PALOMA: Oh yeah. I fully agree with that.

ADAM: I’m old school man. I’m just like, you know… My mum would say things like, “It takes a village to raise a child.” It takes a village to raise a child. I never really understood it, but I fully get it now.

PALOMA: That’s ancient wisdom there.

ADAM: Yeah, I won’t say ancient, she’ll get upset… she’ll think I’m calling her… But yeah, you know…

PALOMA: I don’t mean her, I just mean the idea.

ADAM: Yeah, that’s okay mum, she means the words, not the woman. Right. Yeah, but there’s too much. Like everyone needs their own thing, their own empire, their own legacy, their own everything, everyone’s individualised.

Do you have the tube where you are in Spain? Do you have the underground metro?

PALOMA: Oh, you mean the metro?

ADAM: Do they have that?

PALOMA: Because I don’t use the word tube.

ADAM: Sorry.

PALOMA: That’s ok. Oh yes, of course, we have all the stuff, the cars, the trains.

ADAM: Oh, cool. So you guys are in the 21st century. I’m so sorry how incredibly rude and arrogant I sound.

Yeah. So there is like a thing, an advert, on the london metro system. It says hey, are you an eye contact person, right? It’s selling glasses, you know. But the joke is like, you know, will you look at someone in the eye? and there is like a sort of trending behavior where people just sort of try to make eye contact with other people and it’s really intimate and it’s awkward and uncomfortable. But there’s… yeah people do it because I think in a way like… We kind of need it.

PALOMA: I don’t feel like people do eye contact with me in the metro to be honest. I feel like people are either half asleep… like I haven’t experienced that.

ADAM: I’m going to make eye contact with those that are half asleep. Actually, I’m going to try and get them to keep their eyes open. Well, maybe I’m just staring at people and people are scared of me.

PALOMA: I mean, I look at people too and that’s my observation. They don’t really look back. Like it’s just me.

ADAM: Yeah. We need people, man. Like we need interaction, you know. But I’m working in people’s houses. I’m self-employed, freelance. So I don’t have a boss. I don’t have a workplace.

I’m working in and out of people’s houses all the time and people are always comfortable and natural at home because it’s their home, right? So you get more out of them, you know, like their friendly, “Would you like this? Would you like that?” I was like, “Oh, what’s that picture? Where’s that great picture from?” “Oh, you know, that’s my dad from when he was in the war” and stuff like that and they’ll start to talk and explain them blah blah blah we need that.

PALOMA: You know, like thinking about it now it must be so interesting to see so many people’s homes. What are people’s homes like most of the time?

ADAM: I think… I think a person’s house is a reflection of who they are in the sense of maybe the state of their mind. And also just their standard as a person. So obviously being clean. A lot of people don’t have clean homes, which I find that strange. Like I feel like your home should be your temple, your palace.

PALOMA: Well, not everyone has the energy or time, unfortunately.

ADAM: Yeah, that’s true. But some people are staying at home all day and definitely have the time. But the issue is not to.

PALOMA: There’s people who are depressed.

ADAM: Yeah, I mean, they should get a life coach.

PALOMA: No, if you have actual depression, you need a therapist.

ADAM: Yeah, that’s true. If it’s more than, is it two weeks?

PALOMA: Yeah, it’s two weeks.

ADAM: What happens if you feel it for 13 days? Do they turn you away?

PALOMA: Wait one more day and see how you’re feeling?

ADAM: Imagine on your 14th day, you just wake up and you’re just in love with the world. And everything’s great.

PALOMA: I mean if you don’t crash again then I would say you’re fine.

ADAM: Yeah, yeah that’s why we shouldn’t put numbers to things. We put too many numbers to things you know.

PALOMA: I mean it gives us an idea, some sort of structure.

ADAM: Yeah true it does yeah. But yeah I mean with people’s homes I mean yeah people’s homes are people’s homes or whatever but I mean yeah people are just more friendly I would say. They just talk more like they just want to explain more and they’re just generally friendlier.

PALOMA: Okay.

ADAM: Yeah they’re more nice, more nicer people, much nicer than say for example when they’re driving on the road.

PALOMA: Yeah, of course. I think they think “I have a stranger at home, I better be nice to them”.

ADAM: Oh right yeah, hang on a minute, that’s the guy that was staring at me on the subway. I’d better be nice until he gets out of it. Yeah. Yeah, I like the… I don’t know, you can just tell a lot about a person. I’ll get drawn in by like, or what’s this painting? Like, oh, you’ve got a VHS player or a CD player. Like, why have you still got that? Which CDs do you have? Stuff like that, or I don’t know unique…

PALOMA: What’s something that has surprised you the most?

ADAM: Well I live quite close to Windsor. You’ve been to London right? So, Winter Castle is where the Queen lived or the King now. So it’s one of the biggest tourist attractions. So I actually had a contract working in the grounds of the castle. And within the grounds of the castle, there are at least 100 homes. So anyone that works in the castle, the chefs, the cooks, the cleaners, the drivers, the technicians, the people that dress the king and queen, all of these people, there’s so many jobs. So these people are given somewhere to live within the grounds of the castle. So we would go around those houses. And yeah, we had a lot of, me and my assistant, we had a lot of stories about Prince Harry, Prince William, the wild parties.

PALOMA: That’s so on brand with the London experience.

ADAM: Oh, fully yeah. Yeah, even I was just like, wow, I feel like a tourist. Yeah, so they would tell us crazy stories about that. They used to get guns out when they were drinking, which just seems just insane. They were shooting each other for like for fun.

PALOMA: What? No way.

ADAM: They were really, really like super, super drunk. This was before probably, Prince Harry and Prince William were married. Yeah, there was one guy, I’ll never forget, he was quite high up. So he was quite close to the Queen. At the time, it was the queen. She was alive. And, you know, everybody would say, oh, make sure you’re nice to him. Make sure you’re nice to him. Do a good job. Do a good job.

I’m a contractor, basically. I do maintenance. So make sure you give a really good impression because he is going to speak directly to the queen. I can guarantee you whatever mood he’s in, whatever feelings he has on the day, he will have a conversation with her, the Queen, and he’ll mention it.

So we had to be on our best best behaviour. Me and my assistant were… I shouldn’t speak about this on the podcast, but we remained professional. We had moments where we were a little bit immature, but mostly we were professional.

So, we walked into this one property and there were life-sized dead animals everywhere.

PALOMA: Like taxidermy.

ADAM: That’s the one.

PALOMA: Yeah, I’m not surprised.

ADAM: And then a room with a lot of leather, that there was a lot of leather and I don’t know if it was something to do with the horses, they’re all obsessed with horses there. Yeah, a lot of brass on buckles and belts.

And yeah, there was just, there was a lot of taxidermy. There was rooms with rubber ducks, like, you know, like a normal bathtub? You might have one rubber duck. This had like, it was surrounded by rubber ducks.

PALOMA: That’s so random.

ADAM: And also, all the ducks were facing in towards the bath. So whoever was sat in the bath, the ducks were looking at them. It was kind of like being in the Roman, the Roman Empire or something.

PALOMA: That is so weird. What an experience.

ADAM: And in that same apartment, that was the woman’s bathroom… But in her lounge was the same situation, but with soft teddies, toys, you couldn’t sit on the sofa. It was just covered with Teddy bears and again, they were all facing the TV. Why are they facing the TV? We don’t know.

PALOMA: They’re watching T.V… Obviously.

ADAM: Sorry, yeah, give them a break. Sorry, yeah, I’m so judgy.

PALOMA: They had a long day.

ADAM: Just walking out all the time, their stuffing is tired. Got so many limiting beliefs about how they’ll never be able to be there.

Yeah, so yeah, we saw a few things, but yeah, that was a one off. I mean, usually I’m just in normal people’s houses, you know, where there’s just one duck.

So yeah, but we’ve gone completely off topic.

PALOMA: Yeah, we have. This has nothing to do with limiting beliefs.

ADAM: Yeah, what’s this got to do with limiting beliefs?

PALOMA: Nothing, but it was very interesting.

ADAM: Yeah, Paloma, is there any social feeds you want to put out of where can people find you?

PALOMA: Yes, on my website on PalomaChiara.com

ADAM: Alright great thank you for your time, Paloma.

PALOMA: Thank you as well, this was fun. Bye.